Dead Guy

Banned by ObamaCare!!

Since the government will eventually be the sole provider of health insurance under ObamaCare, they’ll have an obligation to reduce costs by penalizing people for increasing their risk and to ban certain things that can damage an individual’s health. This is a list of the things I think will get banned:

1. Tobacco – cancer, emphysema, heart disease. All forms of tobacco will get banned, but nicotine gum sales will go through the roof.
2. Alcohol – drunk driving, unwanted pregnancies, liver failure, etc. Since ObamaCare will destroy private research and leave it all to the government, I'm sure they can clearly show through government sponsored studies that the costs of abuse and overuse greatly outweigh the benefits of moderate consumption. But, at least we can piss off France!
3. Sky-diving – too risky. You might go splat, but even worse, there are an awful lot of sky-divers that get into car accidents after a day of jumping. I've even heard one say that the most dangerous part of sky-diving is the drive home.
4. Scuba-diving – too risky. You might get the bends or bitten by a shark of swallowed by a whale or run out of air. Only highly trained and licensed (and unionized) divers will be allowed down for work purposes.
5. Climbing – too risky. Sometimes people fall or get rope burns or hurt themselves some other way. They also require a lot of rescuing when the weather sneaks up on them.
6. Hiking – too risky. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Plus all the people that get lost and require rescue. Helicopter rescues are expensive.
7. High school sports – too many injuries that have a long term effect on young people, requiring chronic care later in life. This will have a huge impact on collegiate and professional sports too, since the skill levels will be so low that they won’t be fun to watch.
8. Various professional sports – all the ones that cause too many injuries to people that are on the public plan. Bowling is a good example...and curling (broom elbow is a killer). The big sports like football, basketball, baseball and hockey should still be okay, since the athletes will be part of the elite that can pay for private insurance...unless #7 comes to pass and they all really suck from never having played before - like when the NBA finds really tall guys from foreign countries that just stand around in the way. We could have whole teams of them in every sport...or nothing but South Americans and Japanese playing baseball and Canadians playing hockey.
9. Unhealthy foods – there could be all kinds of things banned for this one – beef, sugar, fat, etc. We’ll all be eating an artificial gruel completely balanced with everything a body needs to stay fit and trim and healthy and balanced. It will look like tapioca pudding but taste like chicken - everything tastes like chicken. We'll also be allowed to only drink bottled water the government provides and Ensure. There will be no reason to wean a baby from the bottle and the change from rice cereal to the gruel will go very smoothly.
10. Obesity – everyone will have to achieve an optimum body fat percentage and the government will offer boot camps to help people get in shape and stay that way. You'll be taxed if you are overweight or simply thrown in fat prisons where you get bread and water and vitamins until you lose enough weight. Your home will be searched for whatever contraban you are hiding that is making you fat. There will also be strict limit on the amount of gruel, water and Ensure that the government hands out.
11. Pregnancies – the government will use this as a starting point for practicing eugenics. If older women or sick women can’t have babies due to the mother’s risk being too great and the associated expense, it is a short step to aborting fetuses with defects that would cost a lot to treat and possibly be chronic. A lot of research will focus on finding genetic defects and predicting disease susceptibility of fetuses. You might even be forbidden to breed or be sterilized if the risk of defect is too high that your child will develop a chronic condition like diabetes.
12. Living in certain areas – forest fire zones, flood plains, earthquake zones, volcano zones. I once saw a map of habitable zones, buffer zones and nature zones that the nutty environmentalists want to protect forests and animals and wetlands and whatnot – that will come to pass and we'll all be crammed into high-rises so everyone can fit. If you can't build out, we'll have to build up.
13. Medicine - the first thing doctors will do is ensure that you are living a healthy lifestyle. The only way to do that is to put cameras in your home, office and vehicles so they can keep tabs on how much gruel you eat and how much exercise you do. They will adjust your intake and exercise regimen first, after an appropriate period of studying you. If that doesn't work, then they will consider giving you medications. I'm not kidding - persistent ear infections - you obviously don't bath properly. Skin rash - you aren't using approved environmentally safe hypoallergenic laundry and personal hygene products. Tooth decay - you just aren't brushing properly, so we'll give you those tablets that turn your teeth red anywhere they aren't perfect. The first treatment option will always be the cheapest option. The cheapest option will always be lifestyle change.

These are just the obvious things that would be up for a ban. I could go on and on and on and on. What else will be banned? Put your suggestions in the comments.

Come on everybody - wake up! This isn't just Obama or the Democrats. It is the entire US Government trying to do this. The government has been broken and passing unconstitutional laws since FDR - and probably even before that!

Ask yourself this one simple question, by what right does the government assert its authority over you and when did you agree to be governed by these idiots?

posted by Chris Farley @ 11:24 AM