Tuesday, January 18, 2005

British Monarch Embarassed by Nazi Symbol Ban

Queen Elizabeth is said to be highly embarrassed by the proposed EU-wide ban on the Swastika. Her grandson, that little brat and third from the throne Prince Harry, was recently featured on the front page of British tabloids sporting a Nazi uniform, complete with Swastika, a drink and a cigarette. This started a huge up-roar within the US and the UK.

In the UK, they were very upset that Harry had the bad judgement to be wearing a Swastika. Even though there are very few Jews in the UK, the public saw this as an opportunity to finally side with the Jews on something. The EU, has now proposed a complete, Europe-wide ban on Nazi symbols. This embarrassed the Queen for reasons only the mainland EU can understand.

Even the Queen was confused and said, "I'm not certain why they think I should be embarrassed. I represent every fallen soldier who fought the oppressive Nazi regime. We are the only country that fought Hitler from start to finish. Our boys were dying why those wimpy Frenchman were sipping lattes and collaborating with the Germans. On second thought, I know why I should be embarrassed. I should have convinced Harry Truman to nuke the whole damned continent back in '44. They are right. It is highly embarrassing that I missed that opportunity. Maybe I can make up for it today by suggesting a ban on the ultimate Nazi symbol, the German language!"

In the US, the MSM was highly insulted. It wasn't that Harry was wearing a Swastika, but that he had the audacity to smoke in a designated non-smoking area. When asked about the dust up, new NBC news ancor Brian Williams was quoted as saying, "I don't know anyone that voted for Bush, but that doesn't mean I'm biased!"

Senator Ted Kennedy was more empathetic towards the Prince, saying, "Er, ah, Prince Harry is a just a misguided child. Er, ah, I can understand his attraction to Socialist symbols, but maybe he should stick with something less controversial like a Che Gueverra t-shirt. He's a handsome, er, ah, young man. He should have wooed the reporter to his car and driven him off a bridge or something. Er, ah, having too many drinks and killing someone is easier to get away with than you think. Er, ah. Strike that last part."

An undisclosed high ranking Bush official was quoted as saying, "Did Harry make a mistake? Certainly. Did he mean any harm? No. Should he be beaten? Probably. Would I like to administer 50 lashes? Absolutely. But, you deal with the foreign dignitaries you have, not the dignitaries you wish you had."

Other foreign leaders had this to say:

French Prime Minister: "This is excellent news. Even though there is so much anti-semitism in my country, I can now point out how anti-semetic the British are, thus deflecting the spotlight away from France. Harry is such a stooge. I wonder if I can make money from this."

Canadian Prime Minister: "We're not interested in commenting. Canada doesn't wish to offend anyone, so we'll just keep our opinions to ourselves. Thank you for asking though. I hope it wasn't too much of a bother getting in touch with us. Would you like something to drink?"

Mexican President: "Prince Harry, who's that? Can I use this as a platform to further my relationship with the US? What did Bush have to say? Can't you just make up a quote for me that won't offend the Leader of the Free World?"

German Chancellor: "We are proud that Harry would assist us in offending the US by choosing our ultimate symbol of nationalism...oh, wait this isn't an election year. It's just the British Monarch, who cares?"

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