This guy is worth it. If we can get people to send him a dollar, he can get back on his feet and can see just how much we think of him and how much we thank him.
Hopefully, he'll set up a paypal account or something.
posted by Chris Farley @ 6:43 PM
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I shop at Walmart as infrequently as possible. Occasionally, I go just to see if it gets any better. Everytime, I am reminded why I hate Walmart.
1. Walmartians - these are the poor, hungry, huddled masses that can only afford to shop at Walmart. They are quite often unpleasant to look at or converse with. Whether it is prejudicial or not, you start to feel a little uppity and can't believe you shop at the same stores as "those" people.
2. Stupid people - they all seem to congregate at Walmart. They block the aisles, write checks out completely at the counter, don't have enough money to pay, argue prices with the check out clerks, have a full cart in the express aisle, etc. You see a little of this at every store, but Walmart has so many people, you are almost guaranteed to experience this at Walmart.
3. Crappy products - Walmart is so hell-bent on keeping low prices, quality suffers. I'm not sure many shoppers can look at a Dirt Devil for $250 and some off brand thing that looks the same but only costs $125 and not pick the cheap one...which will break quickly and not work very well. It is an evil trap that Walmart sets - offer name brands to draw in customers, then put forth so much cheap junk that you can't resist.
4. Sam's Choice - as a kid, I hated generics. They never tasted as good. Walmart is filled with generics and I feel bad for all the little kids that suffer through tasteless colas, only to discover Coke and Pepsi as an adult.
5. Greeters - why do I feel an overwhelming urge to maim the Walmart greeters?
6. Cheerleaders - there is something very disturbing about knowing the store employees are forced to do a Walmart cheer. Very 1984ish.
7. Lack of service - did you ever ask a Walmart clerk to help you find something? They usually say that it isn't thier department. When they do try to help, they are usually wrong.
8. Business practices - my hometown is now poorer due to Walmart. We had a wonderful little shopping district that had lots of specialty stores. When I was a kid, Jerry, the owner of the local jeans store, would special order my jeans in August, knowing I'd be there to buy them in September and would have them waiting in a bag with a price tag. I wore a strange size - 28 x 36. Jerry is out of business now and is a departmental manager at Walmart. After Walmart came to town, he couldn't compete. The local "brand-buster" merchants (someone that sells only one thing, like jeans, or toys) are all convinced that they were targeted one by one. Now, the downtown is mostly empty or cheesy. All those merchants that made a decent living are now scraping by with Walmart pay. None of them ever made enough money to just retire.
9. Walmart is nasty - the place is dirty. It smells bad. The aisles are narrow. The merchandise is just jumbled on the shelves. The shopping-carts are always broken. There are too many unruly children with inattentive parents. The place is just nasty.
posted by Chris Farley @ 9:58 AM
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The day off excuse I posted below is a load of BS. Just as promised, I try to deliver BS. I'm amazed that some people thought this was real.
My boss fell for it. Her boss fell for it. Even my daughter, who knows I'm full of crap, fell for it - but, then, I did once convince her that the moon was a hologram.
posted by Chris Farley @ 9:47 AM
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The Carnival of the Recipes is up! Hooray! Just in time for my Thanksgiving food shopping.
Also, Jane Gault has a few of her own that sound pretty good.
Go forth and feed.
posted by Chris Farley @ 7:09 PM
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I woke up this morning feeling great. Lots of sleep, good coffee and a bagel. As usual, I pushed the button for the garage door, then went inside to get my jacket, lunch, etc. As I returned to the garage, I noticed something quite odd. It wasn't hard to notice, being that it was standing proudly in the middle of my garage, licking grass off of the lawn mower. It was a rather average looking cow.
This came as only a minor shock. There is a farm about 100 yards away, so I immediately assumed this little heffer simply escaped. I went back inside to grab the phone book for animal control. Being a native of a small town, I assumed this town had a farm registry for escaped cows and someone would come retrieve it. I was right. A very grumpy sounding woman answered the phone and said someone would be over and also told me it was okay to shoo the cow out of the garage.
I went to the garage with my electric fly swatter. It looks like a tennis racket and has a small charge running through the face to zap insects. I figured this would be quite effective on the cow to get it moving in a direction out and away from my garage.
With grim determination and my sadistic streak in full swing, I swung open the door to face down the evil invading cow...only to discover that it had multiplied. It may have actually multiplied twice, though I'm not sure cows can even count. Nonetheless, there were now FOUR cows in my garage. Faced with such overwhelming numbers, my determination waivered, but my anger took over and I waded in, ready to defend my lawnmower from the indignity of being licked clean by a small herd of cattle.
It was then that I realized there was something larger occurring. Apparently, there wasn't just an escape, there was a mass exodus. There are no less than 32 cows roaming my neighborhood, mostly congregated near my house. One of them is lying comfortably under the trampoline, five are happily munching on my front yard and the neighbor's flower bed (he's quite annoyed, as he spent six hours planting all those geraniums) and another has taken a keen interest in my wifes car, though I'm not exactly certain why. Man cannot know the thoughts of cows.
I managed to chase the four cows out of my garage. The electric swatter was quite effective. Though they are milling about on the road now and the construction crews are starting to arrive. I think the brick layers are afraid of cows. There are seven of them packed into a truck that hasn't moved in about 15 minutes.
Obviously, I'll have to stay home today to manage the eradiction of the bovine infestation. Hopefully, I'll get some free steaks out of this.
posted by Chris Farley @ 8:52 AM
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Bill Gates gets 4 MILLION e-mails per day. Mostly SPAM. He has his very own special set of filters for his inbox. Then, he has a staff to clean out the rest.
That's what I need. A staff for my inbox...and my outbox...hell, if I was worth a billion dollars, I'd hire someone to read and write all my e-mail in every known language.
posted by Chris Farley @ 3:15 PM
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Let's be clear here. During a time of war:
It is illegal to shoot civilians.
It is illegal to shoot prisoners.
It is illegal to finish off the severly wounded.
It is illegal to shoot someone that is surrendering.
It is illegal to falsely surrender.
It is illegal to fire when showing a white flag.
It is illegal to booby trap dead bodies.
It is illegal to attack while posing as a civilian. (A good example of the subtleties of this rule is found in Master and Commander. In the big battle scene, the British disquise themselves as a commercial ship to draw the French closer, but just before attacking, they change uniforms and raise the war flag, clearly identifying themselves as combatants.)
War is messy - both physically and morally. The Iraqi terrorists in Fallujah have been consistently breaking the law. They play dead, then attack. They pretend to surrender, then attack. They booby trap dead bodies. In other words, they make it extremely difficult for a Marine to determine who is and is not a threat.
Already, the MSM is playing this up for way more than it is worth. It would seem to me that there are three possibilities here. Either the Marine in question committed a crime or he made a very bad judgement call or the guy really was a threat. Regardless, the US Military will investigate and punish him appropriately IF he did something wrong.
But, the MSM is convicting this guy before there is even an investigation. They show a "dramatic" tape that doesn't really show anything. You hear the Marine saying the guy isn't dead, then you see a brief glimpse of a still body, then the tape goes black and you hear the shot. What I don't hear or see is any of the other Marines in that room (or the reporting crew) telling him to back off or stop or not to do it. They make this look like a horrible war crime.
They might be right, however, soldiers in the field are given wide latitude regarding who they can and can't shoot. Basically, they determine the threat and act appropriately. Based on the actions the Iraqi's have been taking with the dead and wounded, based on what the Marine said, based on the lack of protest from other Marines, I'd say the kid felt threatened.
Right now, that Marine is sitting somewhere in Iraq thinking "what the fuck? what did I do?" He's even more confused because he sees his picture on CNN. The MSM is absolutely rooting for Iraq to become another Vietnam. I wonder who will emerge as the new age John Kerry.
posted by Chris Farley @ 6:14 AM
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Two comments on the King George post! Wow. I'm amazed, even if one is from my wonderful daughter.
Economy - as oil continues to fall, the economy will continue to grow. However, it is all up to businesses now. They have to start spending some profits and upgrade machinery and do all those mundane business things that really kick the economy into gear. The current growth is fairly small and is mostly fueled by consumers. I think a good Christmas season will be a turning point...if it happens. So, everyone should send me really expensive gifts.
Iraq - The terrorists were dealt a decisive blow when King George was re-elected. They had hopes that continued attacks would weaken him and give them a US president that was more French than American and would follow the traditional "cheese-eating-surrender-monkey" role. Now, they have unleashed the deadliest fighting force in the world on themselves. They are absolutely no match for the US. We always learn from our mistakes and will crush them in urban warfare. Elections will be held and the Iraqi people will taste true freedom and be changed forever by it. The US will lavish them with support and other middle eastern countries will get the message.
King George - this is a play of words from my childhood. "King" was an '80's colloquialism in central PA. It was a simple word that rolled the meanings of cool, fantastic, super, excellent, etc. all into a short easy to use term. Not only did I dislike John Kerry as a candidate, I liked George Bush. Growing up as a Reagan child, I see many parallels between the two men. Both had vision, goals and determination regardless of what the MSM had to say about it. I hope that my children remember him when they hit the voting booth for the first time and compare all future candidates to him, as I do with Reagan. I believe history will treat him kindly and he'll be viewed as one of the best presidents of all time.
There are many things that my libertarian insticts rebel against, like the Patriot Act, but all in all, King George is my man. I hope his successor is just as strong.
posted by Chris Farley @ 6:06 PM
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One isn't supposed to speak ill of the dead, but, hey, we're talking about Yassar Arafat. I'm glad he's dead. I hope he is rotting in hell as we speak. Being tortured by every foul and evil demon ever thought up. I think the Israelis should completely destroy his compound now. Just to make sure it doesn't become "holy" to anyone. I also hope that every Israeli that is physically able will desecrate his grave in as hideous a manner as possible.
Everyone has high hopes now for peace. I don't see it happening. Arafat has poisoned the minds of the next generation. It will be decades before anyone steps forward that can control palestine and the terror groups.
All I can say is that I hope his death was horrible, painful, and miserable.
posted by Chris Farley @ 5:57 PM
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You can find links to lots of yummy recipes at The Glittering Eye. As always, add things to your shopping list.
posted by Chris Farley @ 4:29 PM
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I wasn't too far off in my predicitions. I overestimated Bush's electoral college and underestimated the popular vote. I really thought Nader would grab more anti-Bush votes from people that couldn't bring themselves to vote for Kerry.
I'm glad the election turned out the way it did. Consider these facts:
This is the first winner since 1988 to receive more than 50% of the popular vote.
Bush received more votes than any other president in history.
Popular vote over 50% is generally considered a mandate.
Electoral vote over 280 is generally considered a mandate.
In what was considered one of the most contentious elections ever, the winner was clear.
The Republicans increased in the House, Senate and Governerships.
The Republicans did lose some ground though. There are fewer Republicans in the state houses all over the country. Democrats made some gains there.
There is a ton of nasty, impetuous whining all over the left side of the blogoshpere. I'm too lazy to link to it all, so go to Instapundit for a round up, then keep clicking through links and reading comments. I'm amazed at some of twisted things they think up.
posted by Chris Farley @ 6:54 PM
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This is why I call my stuff crap.
Whoever Dave is, he's a friend. Since I don't live too far away from and work even closer to Arlington, I'd be honored to take him to dinner.
posted by Chris Farley @ 8:47 AM
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Jericho is pissed.
I don't blame him. And, I pretty much agree.
posted by Chris Farley @ 8:32 PM
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A Redskins loss this weekend might not be such good news for John Kerry. This has been the year of broken streaks. It started with the Olympics and that little gymnist guy. Wasn't he the first American to win gold in that event? I think I read that.
Then, the Red Sox ended the curse. Then, the Patriots got beaten. So, it isn't such a good year to count on any help from statistical anomolies.
The two best indicators both point to Bush.
Halloween masks are a good political indicator. The candidate whose likeness was sold most, wins. This year, it was Bush, by a hair.
Also, the little kiddies. The Weekly Reader does a vote for little kids every election. They've been right every time they did. This year, they went for Bush in the popular vote and Bush won every state except Maryland in the "electoral college." This may or may not be a good indicator. You could argue that the kids are voting along the parental lines, or that the kids are rebelling and voting opposite the parents.
As for personal anecdotal evidence, my teenage twin daughters go to a "politically active" school. The kids have chosen sides. During lunch, if a member of the opposition party walks by, they boo. This year, the Democrats are getting louder and longer boos.
Here is my prediction:
Popular Vote Electoral College
Bush: 49.1% 301
Kerry: 46.5% 237
Nader: 3.1%
Other: 1.3%
No lawsuits, no major problems, plenty of allegations, but by midnight tomorrow, Bush will be the winner.
posted by Chris Farley @ 4:13 PM
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Rants, musings, deliberations and a healthy dose of BS from a real, live, dead guy!
