I was bad, I was punished.
I was late, it was raining, I really needed to get to work and I was driving too fast. I knew I would slide if I stopped for the red-light, so I took my chances and lost. I still think the little old lady I clipped pulled out on purpose. I know she saw me. That's why I was mad.
Yes, I ran a red light and clipped a gaggle of little old ladies and spun their car completely around. To make matters worse, I got out to yell at the driver (because I KNEW she saw me coming and pulled out anyway). I walked right up to her car, she rolled the window down, I said "you stupid f***ing bitch," then all hell broke loose - on me.
She nailed me right in the face with mace - not pepper spray, real mace. I was blinded and could hardly breath and dropped to my knees. Then, she got out and started beating me - viciously. She hit me repeatedly with her purse. Then, the other three old ladies joined in. I was poked in the legs and ribs with an umbrella, I was thumped with a purse, I was kicked in the ribs and one of them even smacked me a few times with a bible. I know it was a bible because I could clearly see the cross coming at my head and had some catholic school flashbacks.
It may seem cowardly, but in the face of superior numbers and superior firepower, I retreated to my car and got the hell out of there. At least I won't have an increase in insurance. My bumper was a little dented and that's it.
But, my body, pride and ego are severely bruised.
posted by Chris Farley @ 5:29 PM
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